Dear Laurie,

I know that you have asked me to respect your need for space, and with the assistance of the restraining order, I am trying very hard to respect your wishes because I want US to work out too.

It was a real wake up call for me last week when I came home and saw that all of my belongings were cast out into the yard; even the photographs of you and I.  That those same photographs had been torn into pieces and were scattered all over the top of my trophy deer mount from the trip to Colorado just made things that much worse.  I've got to be honest Laurie, at that very moment I was deeply hurt.  And I am really glad that your father was there with those sheriffs' deputies because they really helped me to keep things in perspective.

So when I left our house I was shell shocked and I didn't know what to do.  I just hurt SO bad and wanted to ease the pain so I went to the first bar I could think of; Ta Ta's down on Harry Hines.  And as I sat in the VIP booth where I could be in privacy with my grief and drink a few bottles of beer I met this girl named "Essence."  ( I thought it was a pretty strange name for a white girl, but then, while we had breakfast at the hotel she told me that her real name was Kara.  Anyway, that doesn't matter...)  I was just so sad about our break up and I missed you so much; you were all that was on my mind as Kara danced in front of me in the VIP section.  I couldn't help but to notice how her slender, curvy hips looked exactly like yours looked before you gained all that weight.  And as it turns out she is going to the university working on her Phd and she was willing to help me get in touch with my feelings.  (Oh, don't worry about the debit card charges from the ATM at Ta Ta's...I just helped Kara with her cell phone bill.  There was NO WAY she was going to be able to catch up from how her room mate SCREWED her with that $2500.00 bill.  I know that you would have done the same.  You have always been so charitable...)

So later that evening as I looked down into Kara's eyes as she did a pole dance of a different kind I thought to myself "My God!  Look how her eyes are like Laurie's eyes."  And her lips, stretched into that round shape reminded me of all those times you told me NO it wouldn't work if there wasn't some change.  But what got me the most was how she made these little whimpering sounds as she slammed down against me.  Every time I could feel her cervix she made a sound that reminded me of you.  I just couldn't get over it.

This split has had me re-evaluating all of my other relationships as well.  I am saddened by how all of our friends feel that they have to take sides in this split.  I was really surprised by how some people won't have anything to do with me and others are reaching out to support me with open arms.  And WOW!!! does this experience ever open my eyes to how many other people are having trouble in their relationships.  Did you know that Jill and Don, that couple from your yoga group,  are on the verge of splitting?  Yeah!  It came as a shock to me as well.  It turns out that Don has been having trouble with the hardware, you know?  And Jill is just about fed up with the lack of attention.  She told me about it a couple of days ago when I stopped by one morning to see how Don was doing.  (Silly me...I forgot that Don was out of town for a few days on a trip with his company.)  So Jill invited me in and while she finished her yoga routine I had a drink and we talked. 

I'm really sorry that I wasn't more supportive of your desire to start into Yoga. I just thought that it was for thin people... I didn't understand before like I do now.  I am SO sorry.  Did you know that Jill can touch both of her heals together OVER the top of her head?  If I hadn't seen her do it over and over again I wouldn't have believed it either!  I don't understand Yoga very well, but she says that it makes her feel much better.  She actually asked me to help her with a really difficult position called "The Tantric Butterfly".  ....Anyway, Yoga is pretty cool. 

As it turns out all the problems between Jill and Don aren't just about Don "Not delivering the MALE...".  Jill has been seeing a therapist because she is addicted to sex and as it turns out she has to have hours and hours of sex every day or she acts really strange.  She absolutely needs a man in her life who can reach her inner most spaces and help her stay on balance.  I help where I can and while I was looking down into her eyes... that's when it hit me again!  I am to blame for some of our troubles.  It's not just you...it's not just me.  As Jill and I tried to comfort each other we grew really close and I began to see a whole new side to her that I never saw before when she was just your best friend.

And as if that wasn't enough, just this morning when your little sister came by to drop off the papers from your lawyer it was all I could do to not fall over.  She looks just like you did twenty years and fifty pounds ago. (Except of course that her tits are way nicer.  Where did she have that done?  I need to remember that place...)  It just made me so sad that I started to cry.  Eileen is such a sweet girl.  She went WAY out of her way to help me feel better and to focus on the good times that we shared together.  But as she was dancing in the hot tub I couldn't get over how much she looked like you and WOW! are looks ever deceiving!  Who knew that YOUR BABY SISTER has both an oral and an anal fetish!  Now, THAT I wouldn't have expected.  But even then, with her back to me, her head thrown back and her crying out "Slam it home daddy, Slam it home.  OWN MY ASS YOU BASTARD!!!  OWN MY ASS!!!" all I could really think about was how her hair looked just like your hair did before it all turned gray and you started dying it.

Now I sit here in my apartment, drinking a whiskey and getting ready to smoke a cigar and I just can't get over how everything that I see and everything that I do just comes back to you.

Hey, speaking of you...do you know where my cigar cutter went?  I really miss that thing.


Love,


Joe